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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26248402">A Life Well Lived</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bentley/pseuds/The_Bentley'>The_Bentley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Angst Bingo Fics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cancer, Character Death, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Euthanasia, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love, M/M, Terminal Illnesses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:40:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26248402</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bentley/pseuds/The_Bentley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Tracy? Can you come as quick as possible? It’s Sergeant Shadwell. The doctors said he aspirated into his lungs and spent several minutes without oxygen,” Newt had said. “They won’t tell me any more than that and since you two are married, you’re next of kin.”</em>
</p><p>Madam Tracy and Sergeant Shadwell have a good life together in their cottage in the countryside.  But cancer eventually claims him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Angst Bingo Fics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>GO Angst Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Life Well Lived</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Angst Bingo call: Mercy Killing</p><p>One of the definitions of mercy killing is euthanasia, so that is what I went with. The details are from personal experience. I found writing it hard but worth it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Madam Tracy stood by the hospital bed where Shadwell lay hooked up by tubes and wires to a variety of different machines. Her dull eyes looked down at the once animated man. She had gotten to know him well living across from him all those years. When they finally moved into the quaint cottage in the countryside together, they made many happy memories. Tracy had spent a lot of time cooking for Shadwell while he puttered around the cottage attempting to keep things in repair. Always patient, she put up with it and phoned a repairman when the situation became hopeless. They enjoyed each other’s company, comfortable in the odd relationship they had developed over the years. It was still love no matter how quirky it looked to outsiders.</p><p>They had a decade or so before the cancer diagnosis. Oesophagal cancer caused by a lifetime of acid reflux troubles. The doctors had assured them that treatment was easy and had a high five-year survival rate. The first thing he had done was surgery for a temporary feeding tube. The chemo and radiation therapies would completely destroy his oesophagus. When the six-week treatment completed, it would be reconstructed. The surgery was a common one and the surgeon assured Shadwell he would be back on his feet within a few months. </p><p>It never happened.</p><p>Shadwell ended up in the hospital when the feeding tube caused him complications and he dehydrated beyond what could be handled at home. Tracy was there every moment with him, only leaving to get some food from the cafeteria. Newt and Anathema visited as often as they could.</p><p>Newt had convinced Tracy to go home for a shower while he and Anathema kept watch. The call she was to receive would make her regret the decision for a very long time.</p><p>“Tracy? Can you come as quick as possible? It’s Sergeant Shadwell. The doctors said he aspirated into his lungs and spent several minutes without oxygen,” Newt had said. “They won’t tell me any more than that and since you two are married, you’re next of kin.”</p><p>She had called a cab to get her back there as fast as possible. Newt and Anathema had explained they were shooed out of the room so medical procedures could be done. They had headed to the cafeteria, thinking it wouldn’t matter if they got a quick bite to eat. By the time they got back, the excitement was over. A nurse had found Shadwell unresponsive and not breathing. CPR had followed and his heart restarted but doctors believed he had spent between five and ten minutes without oxygen.</p><p>“Is he still in there?” Tracy had asked in the quiet of the consulting room where the doctor in charge met with her.</p><p>The doctor had shook her head. “After going without oxygen that long, the prognosis is more likely to be brain death. It’s impossible to tell for sure, but the chances are that he’ll never wake up due to severe brain damage.”</p><p>She had broken down as the doctor waited before telling her options. She could leave him on life support and hope, or turn it off and let him go. </p><p>So here she stood by his bed, Newt and Anathema beside her, about to make the most devastating decision of her life. She couldn’t leave him like this. He would not want to live hooked up to all kinds of machines and possibly trapped inside his own head for as long as he continued to live. It was best to let go. Tears falling down her cheeks as she held Anathema’s hand, she stood by as the doctors unhooked Shadwell.</p><p>“It could take several hours for him to stop breathing. He might twitch, open his eyes or breath might pass over his vocal cords, but it’s not him. It’s only bodily responses. I’m sorry for your loss.” The medical professionals left them to their vigil.</p><p>It was the hardest four hours of Tracy’s life, watching Shadwell’s body fight to stay alive even though it was an empty shell. His arm would jerk. Sometimes his blank eyes would open to stare at the ceiling. Other times an “aaaaahhhhhh” sound would issue from his vocal cords and she swore he was in there begging her to hook the machines back up so he could live. She sat holding his hand and asking his forgiveness. Anathema would remind her that he wasn’t there and this was the best decision for him in gentle tones that showed she was affected by this, too. Newt couldn’t stay in the room. He waited in a private area, pacing between the walls for one of the women to bring him updates.</p><p>“It won’t be long now. I’d say he’ll be gone within fifteen minutes,” said a nurse who came in to check his vitals during this deathwatch. “Shall I go tell Mr Pulisifer?”</p><p>“No thanks,” replied Anathema. “He can’t handle seeing him like this. We’ll join him when . . .”</p><p>"When he’s passed on,” Tracy finished, a sad smile crossing her face. She was holding together remarkably well, but it was by a thread. She would collapse once that thread was cut.</p><p> </p><p>~*~*~</p><p> </p><p>Aziraphale nearly dropped the book he was reading, causing Crowley to look over at him from his position across the living room. He was trying to decide the perfect placement of the new painting he had purchased. His brow furrowed as he watched Aziraphale clutch at his heart.</p><p>“Angel? Are you all right?”</p><p>“We need to go right now.”</p><p>“Where? What’s wrong?”</p><p>Quicker than anything, Aziraphale was at his side, grasping his hand. With a <em>pop</em> they disappeared.</p><p> </p><p>~*~*~</p><p> </p><p>The women walked out of the hospital room together grieving as a nurse took them to the private room where Newt was so they could cry in peace. Anathema held Madam Tracy’s hand and almost lead her into the private area. Newt looked up at them and knew. Once inside, the nurse again gave them her condolences and made sure there was enough facial tissue before leaving them again.</p><p>“There’s a button on the wall right there you can push if you need anything.” She exited, closing the door behind her.</p><p>Newt and Anathema both comforted Tracy, the three standing in the middle of the room in a hug, embracing each others’ shoulders and sobbing hard. Tracy had her head on Newt’s shoulder while Anathema rubbed her back to soothe her the best she could.</p><p>“What am I going to do now?” Tracy asked, her voice breaking on the words.</p><p>“We’ll take this one day at a time,” replied Anathema. “We’re here for you.”</p><p>They all looked up as the door opened again to admit two more players from the Tadfield airbase. Squinting at them through tear-swollen eyes, Tracy recognized the one in light clothing. The angel who had possessed her as the clock ticked down on the Earth’s existence. The other man was the redhead in all black who had arrived at the airfield in a burning vintage car. The angel approached her immediately while his companion stayed back, his hands awkwardly shoved in his pockets.</p><p>“Oh, Madam Tracy. You don’t know how sorry we are that Sergeant Shadwell is gone. I felt his passing.” Aziraphale took her up in his embrace, using a little angelic power to soothe her hurt soul. He couldn’t numb it completely nor would he want to. But taking the raw edge off would make things seem a little more hopeful for her once her deep grieving lifted. It would be enough to ensure her future happiness even if she had to go on alone.</p><p>They all seated themselves on the couches and chairs in the room. Crowley kept himself distanced from the rest. He was a demon; this was not his place. He was here because an angel needed him to be. He grieved in his own way, but he was not a creature built to comfort others and it was rare he was able to give comfort to anyone but Aziraphale. The others talked and cried among themselves, taking all the time they needed until they found the courage to leave. Aziraphale convinced Newt and Anathema to go home and he stayed with Tracy. She wanted to go back to Shadwell’s room one last time to say goodbye.</p><p>He was covered with a sheet but she pulled it back to look on his now peaceful face. Leaning down, she gave him one last kiss before covering his body back up and walking out of the room with Aziraphale by her side. Crowley saw them come out from his vantage point standing across the hall. Tracy’s head was held high and tears shined in her eyes. But while she was a woman grieving, she wasn’t a woman broken. Aziraphale’s gift would help her get through this and be happy again. It would never be the same without her beloved Shadwell, but she would be able to forge a new life with the help of those who supported her.</p>
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